"It's ok to use your block"

"It's ok to use your block."

I'm pretty sure the yoga instructor was talking specifically to me when she said this.

Maybe not.

But, after hearing it at least three times, I finally listened.

It made all the difference.

You see, yoga is my thing. Being on my mat clears my mind. Entering the space feels like home. Practicing shapes my identity.

And, I haven't been on my mat for nearly a year.

My physical therapist cleared me to get back to yoga recently and to say I was excited was an understatement.  My first class back on the mat, I told the instructor in advance that I might fall over and/or start crying, but that I would be fine. And, I did both. And, I was fine.

I gave myself some grace on that first trip back to the mat.  I mean, heck, I had been gone for almost a year dealing with vertigo, nerve damage, and an extra 10 pounds. Obviously, my practice wouldn't be the same, I was just happy to be there.

How quickly my compassion switched to comparison.

This weekend was class #4. I entered class all "peace, love, and zen" and quickly lost that feeling as I fell out of a balancing pose over... and over... and over.  

Wow, the chatter in my brain was ugly.  I had a talk track of "you used to be able to do this", "you're not trying hard enough, focus", and "see, you're not ready for this" going strong in my mind.  I had given myself a whopping 4 classes to get back into shape after being off my mat for a year. I mean, seriously, Steph?!

Finally, what the instructor was saying broke through:

"It's ok to use your block. That's what it is there for.
Maybe you need it today, but not tomorrow. 
Maybe you don't need it today, but you will tomorrow.
Use your block, that's what it is there for."

So, I put my toes on the block. And I wobbled a bit, but I didn't fall.

Sometimes it really is that simple.

We often have resources nearby to support us when we need it.  We just need to get out of our head and USE THEM or ASK FOR HELP.

Why do we resist help?  Why do we have such high expectations of ourselves, when we know that we would be a "block" for anyone who needed it?

Considering that this was me two days ago, I'm not the one with the answer...but I'm more aware of when I'm doing it -- that I'm still doing it -- and, I'm willing to give myself grace to keep opening to support.

I hope you will too.